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Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Chp 143. Mizo Jokes

Ever wondered how some of the popular and clich├ęd English jokes would sound like if taken into our Mizo context? Here is a compilation of some of the more popular ones like knock knock jokes, how many does it take to change a light-bulb, waiter jokes etc.

My non-Mizo friends won’t get the real meaning of these jokes as they are Mizo-centric, hence a friendly advice to skip this particular post. Sorry


For the others, I sincerely hope you enjoy this.

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Why did the chicken cross the Aizawl road?

Answer: Because the traffic jams guaranteed its safety.

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What do you get if you cross a Mizo and a video camera?

Answer: A celebrity!

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“Waiter, there’s a fly in my Mizo soup!”

CYMA: From today onwards, every YMA branch member will take turns guarding every soup and making sure no such fly falls in it again.

SRS: Any fly that falls into a soup again will not only be severely beaten up, but also kicked out of Mizoram.

MZP: We shall declare a statewide curfew next week to protest this grave insult to the Mizo soup. We are also investigating to see if the fly was a Mizo fly or a non-Mizo fly. Meanwhile we urge all non-Mizo flies not to fly outdoors for their own safety…

MHIP: We shall create public awareness by putting up posters and notices all over the city informing the citizens about the serious offense of flies falling into soups.

MUP: These youngsters today are so spoilt. We used to walk on foot from Lunglei to Aizawl everyday in search of work, just to earn 1-2 rupees to drink one decent bowl of soup, any soup, and today they are complaining about a bloody fly in their soup.

MPCC: We are not surprised. With the evil MNF leading our beloved State towards total chaos, expect more than just flies in your soups.

MNF: This is the work of the evil opposition MPCC. All they can do is disrupt the smooth working mechanism of the State by putting flies in our soups, just to pull our party down from power.

ZNP: Because of MNF, you have flies in your soup. With the Congress, you’ll probably have soups in your flies. Vote for us and we promise you: No flies, just soup.

PRISM: The fly is in the soup because of the corruption of the politicians. They are all so corrupted that even the flies in their soup are corrupted. We shall investigate this matter by filing an RTI on where the fly came from and how it ended up in that soup. If necessary, we shall even ask the CBI to step in.

H&FW Dept: Its ok, no need to worry about the fly in your soup. But please be careful about the soup because it is a breeding place for the malaria-causing female Anopheles mosquito. Now how do we protect ourselves from Malaria? First we must make sure that…

Aryan from misual.com: Fly in your soup? I’m not surprised. That’s because you Indian Mizos are so stupid and backward. Over here in my country Australia, the flies in our soup are much more advanced and intellectually superior. They have an IQ of over 100, and are not only toilet-trained but also soup-trained, hence earn much more than the IAS/IFS officers of your sick Country. You Mizos sux. You Indians sux. Australia is the besttttt.

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Knock Knock jokes:

“Knock, Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Mami.”
“Mami who?”
“Mummy’s smooching Uncle John at the park, daddy, come quick.”

“Knock, Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Atea.”
“Atea who?”
“At your country, do you rudely let your guests wait outside?”

“Knock, Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Sawma.”
“Sawma who?”
“Some ah win, some ah lose, yah cant win ‘em all.”

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Mafaka.”
“Mafaka who?”
“Ma’fucka open the bloody door, I am so gonna kill you!”

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Sanga.”
“Sanga who?”
“Sang a song for you at the hotel last night, where’s my tip?”

“Knock, Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Kima.”
“Kima who?”
“Kheema mutton and sheekh kabaab for sale, would you like one?”

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And finally, how many Mizos does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, let’s see. 5 electricians, 10 linemen and 20 jugelis from the P&E Department hovering around the light-bulb, arguing about how to change the light-bulb and who should change it. But first, there is an important carrom-board match to be played…

30 members from the local YMA group volunteering to change the light-bulb, all at the same time. The situation became worse with the arrival of more than 100 members of various neighboring locality YMA members, all trying to be the one to change the light bulb, for tlawmngaihna’s sake.

100 students from a reputed college in Aizawl shouting slogans and demanding that since they were the society’s youngest intelligentsia group, they should have the honor of changing the light-bulb. However, an inspection revealed that 99 of them were not enrolled with the particular college, hence were turned back.

200 Mizo celebrities fighting among themselves over who gets to change the light bulb, so as to push up their popularity ranking. More animosity was observed especially between the Icons and the Idols, and also between the “senior” celebrities and their “look-alike” celebrities.

300 engineers from the Engineers Association marching towards the light-bulb to change it to prove how good engineers are, only to clash with 300 members of the BCA Association who were also there to prove their qualification and to show that they can do anything that the BE’s can do.

400 Grade A Officers taking a mass casual leave demanding a hike in their salary if they change the light bulb. 600 Grade B Officers rallying behind the Grade A Officers, ready to go on an immediate strike too if the Grade A Officers’ salary is increased and theirs is not. Meanwhile, a large crowd of Grade C and D Officers was seen marching towards the light bulb…

700 traffic police officers deployed to oversee the security. Most of them had to hitch a ride to reach the place, so eventually they bought along 700 people who were driving their two-wheelers. Seeing the large amass of two-wheelers, the entire members of “Aizawl Thunder” and “Lunglei Lightning” rallied in full force not to be out-done by the “small time” bikers.

The entire “Shop Owner Association” of RV and Phunchawng hovered around the light bulb, ready to do “business” with anyone who came that day to change the light bulb. The entire members from the SRS kept a vigilant eye, ready to catch such people in the act. The entire volunteers from the Human Rights Commission carefully watched the SRS members who were keeping an eye on the bootleggers, making sure no human rights is violated in case the SRS catches the bootleggers in the act…

LPS network immediately conducted a new reality show “Mizo Light Bulb Icon”, where the contestants were eliminated every week by a panel of judges who had good experience in changing light-bulbs, and the winner gets to change the light-bulb. ZoNET followed immediately with a similar reality show “Mizo Light Bulb Idol”.

5 Cabinet Ministers from the ruling party with their secretaries and secretaries’ secretaries and secretaries’ secretaries’ secretaries, along with more than 1000 supporters, making an hour long speech on the importance of the light-bulb for the development and welfare of the State, and how they will change it and replace it with a much brighter light-bulb for all the people of Mizoram, but eventually doing nothing to change the light bulb.

6 MLAs from the opposition with more than 2000 supporters now making an even longer speech criticizing the Government for its inability to keep its promise regarding the light-bulb, and how they will really change the light-bulb if voted to power (only if voted to power). Another MLA member protesting the ruling party’s complete failure to change the light bulb and that a Presidential Rule should be imposed in Mizoram in order to save its people so that the light bulb can be changed.

100 members from PRISM following the Ministers and MLAs and observing the light bulb from a distance to see if there will be any black money involved in changing the light bulb.

500 members from MICLUN also watching the entire scene and furiously writing down on a piece of paper all the names of the politicians and government employees who were engaged in pocketing the fund meant for changing the light-bulb, ready to publish it in the next day’s newspapers.

1000 members of the ZTOA, ACBOA, TOA and ZMCOA all fighting with each other over which mode of transport (Taxi, Maxi Cab, Bus etc) should ferry all those people who came to change the light bulb. Chaos and mayhem everywhere.

2000 members of various Church denomination groups spread around the light bulb, singing and dancing while announcing on their respective loudspeakers that some of those who came to change the light bulb were living in sin and that they could redeem themselves right there near the light bulb itself.

3000 members of MMI marching around the light bulb, protesting that most of them cannot even afford a light-bulb, and warning that if the Government does not give them new light-bulbs, there will be a revolution in Mizoram.

5000 students from the MZP charging into the already chaotic situation, stating that as students, they should be the ones to change the light bulb, and threatening that any failure to prevent them from doing that will be met with dire consequences like curfews and rampages. 5000 students from the MSU rushing in from the other direction demanding a similar request and threatening the Government with the same consequences.

10,000 out-stationed Mizos of various unions and associations like the DMZP, DMWA, CMWA, KMZP, BMA, MSA etc from all over the Country voicing their utmost concern at the ongoing situation at home and each association coming out with an official report on who they think should really change the light bulb. Of course, each report differed from each other.

20,000 residents of Southern Mizoram protesting that this was just another Aizawl attitude of ignoring people from the South and that it should be somebody from the South who change the light bulb, even going to the extent of demanding a UT status so that they too can change their own light-bulbs.

30,000 people from Lai, Mara and Hmar District Council marched in protest around the grand spectacle, demanding that it should be a person from their ethnic group who makes the change, otherwise this was just another example of the State government’s ethnocentric attitude towards considering only those who speak Duhlian dialect as a Mizo.

50,000 other people joined the crowd, expressing that we shouldn’t waste our time with such a trivial issue as the light-bulb and that there are more important issues in Mizoram than that. Of course each had their own “vei zawng” on what is most important and no consensus was reached, adding more disorder to the already chaotic gathering.

1,00,000 jobless people sitting all around the grand assemblage in groups, eating kuhva-hring and smoking cigarettes, while passing comments on all the people inside fighting to change the light-bulb, and making funny jokes and anecdotes about them.

The remaining people not in any associations, groups or unions, decided to form a new Association called the “Light Bulb Changing Association”. Their agenda includes:
1. Creating a better Mizoram for the Youth.
2. Protecting the Mizo culture and identity.
3. Eradicating poverty and corruption from Mizoram.
4. Improving the Educational infrastructure and quality.
5. Ensuring fair polls during elections.
Unfortunately, changing the light bulb is not included in the agenda of the “Light Bulb Changing Association”.


Eventually, how many Mizos does it take to change a light bulb? More or less the entire Mizo community! Isn’t that just swell?

22 comments:

DaGGyLo said...

Wow!!Great..Sandman..Thnx fo sharing..

DaGGyLo said...

Wow!gr8. Thnx fo sharing diz joke..Sandman.

illusionaire said...

The pleasure's all mine, DaGGy Lo. Thanx for the visit.

jimmy said...

Hehe, nice satires there...
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Madras, Tamil Nadu arrived from lawrkhawm.com on "illusionaire: Chp 143. Mizo Jokes"...
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Doh! that's me...me thinks :D

illusionaire said...

Yes, that is you. And would you mind adding the second vote so that that post can be published to main page? Doh. :-P

Ps. I whacked the Feedjit script from lawrkhawm.com, if you dont mind :-P

diary said...

Hey, these are really witty!Esp loved the 2nd joke :) keep them coming!

father_sphinx said...

kkk... makes me laugh so much at this time of the night.. funny funny. Naughty jokes... i doubt if these jokes were from Khuswant Singh's...ahehehe....

Reel Production said...

Aryana kha ka hmu hlawl a ka nui nasa khop mai lolz!! good job!!

Jerusha said...

What do you get if you cross a Mizo and a video camera?

Answer: A celebrity!

LOL! That's priceless!

Jerusha said...

Sheeeeeeesshh! Why in the world do you have comment moderation enabled!!

illusionaire said...

lolz, I switched to comment moderation a loooong time back! sheeeeesh you never used to notice it all these time when you used to leave a comment here?

I put comment moderation because of the high number of racial abuses I used to get from anonymous commenters. I cannot deactivate anonymous comments as many of my readers don't have a blogger account.

And there are plus points: No more irritating word verification required, and the moderated comments can be published by a couple of close friends of mine who are online 24/7 and check my dashboard every now n then (I don't have net at home).

Dee Dee said...

Well done!

Awzzman said...

hehe!this is how our name sounds like?“Ma’fucka!:-)...nice post!nuih nuam veksssss

sercop said...

Giggle..giggle :)

zoblog said...

If I were judging bloggerss.... I'll say, 'Youre my Idol' coz u teach me alot even u dont know. Thx 4 making this gr8t blog. Keep up and again.. I say, 'THUMBS UP'

mnowluck said...

Of all this is the funniest-------------- Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author.

Almost Unreal said...

Q: what do you need to make a Mizo film?

A: 1 handycam, 1 taxi and 5 fools

SEKIBUHCHHUAK said...

hahaha..Thangkura nau i ni ji-ri-throh..hhehe.Fiamthu lam thleng in ti thei maia ,ka nui nasa hle mai:))

Jokes thar i zarah hriat belh leh ta teuh mai.

light -bulb thlak tur tih hi ngaihnawm phian bawk.Thenkhat ka relate thei vak tawh lo nangin.

A thlak tur chuan,mizoram a piangthar da leh an tha ber ang :PP

sowmya said...

ahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahah!!!!! Hilarious!!! :D
Happy to know you revamped your sense of humour in your post!
Well Done kimster!! :)

Nahai said...

Really good. The jokes are not bad even in English.

casey lal said...

lol..witty, sarcastic and smooth :-) the knock knock jokes are catchy !!

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