Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Chp 146. Rules for a Personal Computer

My 10 Commandments for a “shared” Personal Computer.
For most of you who come over to my blog or visit other websites, you probably come online from:
  1. A Cyber café.
  2. Your office work desktop.
  3. Your personal computer at home that you share with just one or two persons (hubby/wife/children).
  4. Your personal computer at home that is also used by a hell lot of other friends.
I belong to the fourth category.

I can’t live without a broadband connection. Had one since 2003 (Hyderabad), then 2004-05 (Bangalore), 2006 (Mumbai) and 2007 (Delhi). And every where I go, it’s always the same. Tons and tons of my Mizo friends come over to my place to surf the net.

In the midst of all these, it is of utmost importance to make my own set of rules regarding the utilization of my computer. Yeah, some people call me a jerk and a stingy bastard for such rules, because in our community it is taken for granted that we should be as generous as possible with each other.

But if you weigh the consequences of reinstalling Windows every time some fool opens an .exe file sent to his email from a “Kirsten Schafer” about enlarging his “you know what”, or formatting my entire hard-drive just because another friend disabled my firewall as he couldn’t browse through those porn sites “properly”, yeah, I really really don’t mind being called a stingy bastard

Below is a set of rules that I stick at the side of my monitor, with a strict message that anyone not following such rules will no longer be allowed to touch my computer. Yeah you gotta be harsh sometimes, because some people just don’t realize the pain of reinstalling Windows or the agony of mulling over precious lost data files.
  1. Thou shalt not browseth serials/cracks/patch/cd keys websites.
  2. Thou shalt not installeth Limewire.
  3. Thou shalt not browseth pornography.
  4. Thou shalt not chateth at IRC.
  5. Whilst downloading from Torrent, thou shalt vieweth the “comment” section first.
  6. Thou shalt not installeth any programs without command.
  7. Thou shalt scanneth thine pen-drive anon.
  8. Thou shalt not changeth my settings.
  9. Thou art recommendeth to clicketh “remember thine passwords”.
  10. Thou shalt not enlargeth thine penises.

1. Do not visit serials/cracks/cd keys websites.
This is the main source of infection on my comp. Guys come over to search for a crack/patch and other illegal wares online from my computer because the hacked software they are using has expired. Search on Google for such cracks and chances are you will see a result of pages which will infest your computer with worms and Trojans if you download from them. Even sites such as astalavista.box.sk and asta-killer.com have such infections (personal experience). And yes, even free password sites are strictly banned from my computer.

2. No Limewire.
Ok I will not get into the technical side of why I don’t allow this software to be installed into my computer, simply because I don’t know the technical reason . Limewire always screws up my computer. It works well in other PCs, but never in mine. Some people say it’s because other P2P softwares like Ares, DC++ and uTorrent are running at the same time and it’s because they share the same port. But even when such applications aren’t running, any file downloading in Limewire slows down my system resources like Hell. Hence, simply put, NO Limewire.

3. No pornography.
If you want porn, then dude you’ve come to the wrong place. Porn is strictly forbidden from here, not because of any moral reasons but simply because of the, once again, high infestation of virus, worms, spywares and Trojans at such sites. Back in Bangalore, I did allow people to download porn through P2P applications from my computer then, but “teens porn” was strictly forbidden even then, as I was playing my bit as a responsible netizen fighting against Child Pornography (Have you seen some of those “barely legal” porn???? Some of them look even younger than teens! Sad.)

4. No IRC.
I am quite an anti-IRC. Chatting with friends on yahoo messenger or msn is okhay, but going into a Chat room and spending a huge amount of time socializing with strangers? That’s a big no for me. Because from my own experience, I don’t find anything constructive (other than the Trivia/Quiz sections) about IRC chatrooms. My good friend [IRC chat id Akillathug] got addicted to IRC chat in 2000, and till today he hasn’t completed his engineering degree, simply because he cannot clear the semester due to lack of attendance, the lack of attendance due to chatting the whole night at IRC.

I know so many other Mizo youth who fell a victim to IRC and screw up their entire future in the process. For an adult with a stable occupation and income, I don’t find anything wrong with it, but I sincerely feel that students should not be encouraged to chat while they are still in schools and colleges. Hence I play another role as a responsible adult by not allowing any of my student friends to chat at IRC from my computer. (Yes, William aka bekang^roll of mizoserver.com, I know you are reading this, and no, I still won’t allow you to install IRC when you come over this weekend )

5. While downloading from Torrent, please check the “comment” section first.
A lot of people search for files at Torrent sites and download them immediately without checking the comment page. I have come across many instances where some nice concerned person post a comment informing the others not to download the file because it is wrongly labeled or it is a virus. Always check the comment section first before downloading it.

6. Do not install any programs without permission.
First of all, I may already have a much better software to perform what you wish. Secondly, it crowds up my task bar, program files folder, start menu etc with softwares I find unnecessary. Thirdly, my C: drive (default location for any installation) is small and some people come and install a huge 3 GB Game at that particular drive without even checking how much space will be available after the installation. Fourthly, the codec you are installing can conflict with my existing codecs. Fifthly, I may have my own personal reasons for not wanting to upgrade a particular software, because in some softwares, there are things one can do with an old version that one can’t with a new version. Just don’t touch my program files please.

7. Scan your pen-drive first.
We now live in an age of “easy data transfer”. I still remember those days when I bought my first computer with a 1 GB hard disk! Now 4-8 GB pen-drives are easily available and every tech savvy person sports one. The problem is, most pen-drives are infected with viruses. It’s like AIDS. When you insert your pen-drive into so many different computers, you are bound to be infected, which will infect other computers. Fortunately, unlike AIDS, it is curable. So please run an Anti-virus scan on your pen-drive immediately when you insert it into my USB drive.

8. Do not change my computer settings.
Don’t you just hate people who use your computer and change all the settings like screen resolutions, background images, fav winamp playlist etc just because they feel more comfortable with it as it is the settings they use on THEIR computer? This is MY computer. Please do not change any of MY settings. You do not find me coming over to your house and changing YOUR settings, do you?

9. You are recommended to click “remember your passwords” option.
Other than personal email accounts, if you and I frequently log in to the same site that requires user-name and passwords (example: blogger.com, orkut.com, myspace.com etc), it is most desirable that you let my browser remember your login details like I do, for easier access. No I am not interested in checking out your account or logging into your account while you are not here and scandalizing your reputation. There is nothing more irritating than somebody urgently wanting to check his/her orkut messages while we are in the middle of a movie, and then that person taking his own sweet time to slowly type his user name and password (comes close to killing him if he ends up typing a wrong password!) whereas that person can easily select his remembered login details while logging in and saving a lot of time.

Guests and other friends who are not regular at using my computer are of course not expected to let my browser remember their details. But those people who are always here, who always hog up my internet time and bandwidth (but magically disappear when its time to pay the monthly internet bill) should by all means let my browser remember their login details.

10. Do not enlarge your penises.
The last commandment in my list. Do not open mails from people you don’t know, that has a subject like “Gaining 5 more inches”. No, now is the wrong time to be curious, what do you think the person means by gaining more inches? Fingernails? And yes, my dear friend Tawia (zorema), I pity you and you have my heart-felt compassion, but trust me, you will not find your answer in such emails.

Any suspicious emails, please delete them immediately or report them as junk/spam. Because eventually in the end, it is going to be me and me alone who will pay for your folly.

21 comments:

sowmya said...

hahahaahahhaahhaahhahaha!! well said!!
There is a thing about me and computers crashing. Once I tried to download something from napster on my dad;s "sowmya forbidden" computer - and bling!! what happened? - ofcourse it messed up the system and i was banned to touch the damned computer for a long time.
Now that i have my own computer, and i have tried all sorts of things on it. Including installing 4 differen types of anti viruses to shoo away that damned curse of crashing, I possess.

I must warn - limewire is a potential site for viruses. That is what happened to my poor washing machine look alike - dell, when my roomie tried to download some shahrukh khan movie!!!!!!!

I am using mac now - which I wont let anyone touch it. For that I have been called a "selfish snobbish windows hating mac using bitch"! You know what - I like it and I dont care!! I cant pay another freaking 1500 $$ so that someone can watch hindi flicks on my computer!!!

Kima, my friend! I understand your pain!! I am with you on this one!

J@n!ce said...

Your new layout looks neat & refreshing. Best of all is I still get to see your picture there at the visitor statistics. I duno why but I just like that photo. Just like a illusionist. haha :):)

OMG, your pc is shared by so many pple, its good to have a set of rules so that everyone could follow.

Janice Ng

U Mazami said...

Why have you removed the shoutbox? I can't post random messages/queries. I now have to go to the comment section to type comments that have nothing to do with that post!

Anyway, what I wanted to say is the live traffic thing is quite cool! Just so you know, when I go to your site from work, it has me down as London, but when I do so from home, it says Brighton! And I am quite far from those two cities. And I bet the 61% of traffic (as it is stated) from this country is all down to me!!!

illusionaire said...

@ Sowmya: lolz!!!! Napster! you certainly bought back good memories! Hahaha. I miss napster! :) And do you also remember Audiogalaxy? lolz. Those were certainly the good ol days of internet. haha.

Who cares about being called selfish, when our main worry is about the expenditure of repairing our system. I had this discussion with some of my friends who have net connection at home too, and they were like, what the heck, I should be more liberal with my rules. Yeah right. Those people have hardly friends coming over to their places and surfing the net from their computers. In my case, at least around 10-20 friends come everyday to browse the net. I know you would understand :)

Bekang^Roll said...

this is so unfair.... :( what about us laptop users...surfing the net from bed to classrooms...eh....lolzzz... and one more thang...: dat particular 'BCA Association' has earned me a lot of things to clear out among my friends here at Amity...teeheee :) ....and about dat No IRC ... i think someone is pointing finger at me... but i think its Tawia...lolzzz...(oink!)

illusionaire said...

@ Janice: Thanx :) That particular pic is also one of my favorites too, as it kinda goes well with my nick "illusionaire" :) Actually that file is an embedded table attribute background image with a no-repeat function with the site meter counter placed as a wrap function over the... sorry, there I go again talking nerdish :) Simply put, yes, mucho gracias for the compliment :)

illusionaire said...

@ U Mazami: Shoutbox removed because of racial abuses :) You are always welcome to leave comments on my posts to talk about unrelated topics, sis.

And about the Live visitors feed, you think you're the only Mizo in England? :-P Yes I do get visits from many other visitors, Mizos and non-Mizos, from England. Check the Mizos bloggers directory and you will see a couple of Mizos in England and USA registered.

The best thing I love about the Live Feed is, if you click on the map and magnify it, and later switch to "Hybrid Map" mode, you can see the actual house from where the person came online! If you wanna know if there person is you or not, click on a unique page of my blog and then click on the map and see if that particular page is in the list. If so, then it is you.

But of course it is not 100% accurate. I checked one of my visitors from Aizawl, and guess where the exact location showed in the Hybrid Map? Chanmari Traffic Point! lolz. I'm figuring that must be the Cyber Cafe thats situated close to the Chanmari Traffic Point :)

Pixie said...

WEll Said! :)
I check blogs from office since sadly, I still don't have internet at home...
Your rules rock! :-)

Have I told this before - I love the way you write!

illusionaire said...

lolz bekang^roll.

Who knows, maybe you're one of the persons this post was directed at... its up to you to figure it out... :-D

And yes, that BCA thingie, what a gem, aye? :)

Jerusha said...

To be frank, I don't understand how so many people can share your computer with you! I think there have been exactly two people in 2 years who I've let touch my PC at home - they did something that crashed it both times. Have never been areful with the pen drive thing though...there are some people who are addicted to 'inserting' all sorts of pen drives on my laptop, copying my songs and pictures etc...My pen drives have seen lots of people's computer insides as well...

illusionaire said...

@ pixie: *blush blush* :) Thanx for the compliment. Well atleast from office, you can do what you want, and wont be allowed to do things that will harm your comp automatically by your tech-support. But at home, because of the freedom, personal comps with net connection are so much more vulnerable to such infections.

@ Jerusha: Yes, and when we make such rules, we are called "uikawm" :) But thats a small price to pay for having a stable system :)

JesseTheCat said...

so many people sharing your net connection?? You are blessed to have so many friends!

I love this post, it has so much fun and laughter, especially the 'stingy bastard' part!
I agree with all your cool and neccessary rules, its a great way of teaching your buddies how to function online and keep your pc etc safe..
I wonder why the feed on your site shows me as ' South Africa Heilbron, Free State arrived from jesseblogs.blogspot.com' ...what or who on earth is Heilbron??????? and I am not in the free state, but in Cape Town...almost half a continent away lolzi :))))..its funny what these widgets report! Heilbron, sounds like a german wild woman :))

JesseTheCat

Almost Unreal said...

which reminds me to come over and 'crash' your PC

Bobby said...

This is a great post! I would never use limewire on a windows pc and would never visit Asta-killer to find a crack.

I use a Linux OS to do that...LOL!

I have one old Gateway 500 with 384mb of ram. It's been running over 5 years and has been rebooted ONCE.

It has no firewall, no anti virus and absolutely no antispyware. Of course my one windows xp pc is another story.

I love Linux and especially love the fact that it NEVER has any problems and requires no defrag.

Linux is free, and in my opinion, superior. The unix kernel is the most perfect OS ever written.

With one old, very slow and junky pc you can download anything from anywhere and remain impervious to viruses.

All the guys writing viruses are using linux...LOL!

sowmya said...

Yeah kimsy!! those friends of yours just dont have enough friends, if not many of their friends use their pc!!!
Not make any rules huh? its like saying - yes you can use my underwear and not pantyline it!!!

illusionaire said...

@ sowmya: lolz!!! finally, the underwear topic again. Its good to see you still haven't changed, sowsow. *BIG GRIN*

By they way, are you still blogging regularly at LJ? Forgot your LJ address as its been such a loooong time! When are you ever going to switch to blogger? :)

@ almost unreal: Come over, crash my PC, and we shall see a nice post about you on my blog with full coverage and revelation of intimate details about you that even you don't know about. lolz. Remember, a good number of people from Chaltlang also visit my blog :)

illusionaire said...

@ Jesse: I know I am indeed very fortunate to have so many friends and I am not complaining about that. It's just the way they carelessly use my computer that I am complaining about... hehehe. At least here in Delhi, things aren't so bad. You should have seen my place 2 years ago back in Bangalore. Sometimes I didn't even have a place to stand in my own room!!!! Me and a couple of other guys would chat or play cards in the adjoining room, waiting for some of the people to leave my room. But after banning IRC chat from my computer back then, the number of people reduced by half :)

lolz, about the Live Visitor Feed, well, as mentioned in my comment earlier, even my sister from UK is wrongly labeled. Its is funny sometimes, to trace once origin on that widget and to see a completely different location :) Heilbron a german wild woman? haha, other than the "German" part, it is exactly you :)

illusionaire said...

@ Bobby: Ah! Reminds of the good ol Computer Engineering college days, where everybody in my class would have an endless debate on which is better, Windows or Unix. Too bad I went the graphics designing way (HTML, Flash, Director, Photoshop) as my secondary line of passion, and never paid much attention to those interesting discussions on OS and platforms. I really really regret it today.

lolz about the rebooting. I never reboot mine either, for the past 3-4 years. It runs non-stop while I sleep downloading movies, and the only price I pay is my SMPS box, which I have replaced more than 10 times till today! :) But its worth it, as I now have more than 20 cases (around 80 CD/DVD each) of movies, songs, games etc. Yes, I may have forgotten to mention before that I am a complete music and movie freak (although I prefer the term "eccentric collector") lolz.

THE NAFASG TEAM said...

Hello Sandman...

Hey thanks for coming to our site. We at NAFASG all the way from Singapore would like to wish u Eid Mubarak too. Have fun and take care! =)

illusionaire said...

The pleasure's all mine, NAFA Team. One post about Eid coming up on my blog :)

Eli said...

For my part everyone ought to glance at it.
1 | liked it | 4